When I started Camden about a decade ago, I was a young, naive high schooler that didn't know what he was doing, didn't know how to write a song, couldn't sing, and was barely adequate at playing a guitar. None of that has changed, except now I'm twenty-six years old and instead of trying to be a famous musician I'm using music as an outlet. It's my therapy. From somewhere around 2010 to early 2014 Camden played a handful of shows all around the Cleveland/Lakewood circuit. We had a chance to play with some very talented musicians that are making local headlines now and made a lot of cool friends that are still around to this day. We didn't know how to keep time with each other, we were labeled as "sloppy, poppy, punk," but found a way to endear ourselves to others around us. It seems like a we had a revolving door of bassists but the one constant that was always with Camden was that it was the band my brother and I started and if one of us wasn't with it then there was no band. Although Nick is the official drummer now, that is the reason why the digital show accompanying the release of Goodbye Cleveland is going to be the last Camden show. After that show Camden will be no more but I think it will be a good book end to this chapter in my life. When I started writing music again during the fall of 2019, I didn't envision writing a whole album or recording a whole album, I didn't even own an electric guitar. I just needed an outlet and music was there for me. When I approached Wes about recording a couple songs, we went in with the idea of a small acoustic EP that maybe was three songs max and wasn't going to be given or show to anyone. I just wanted to play music again and have that feeling. Once that snowball started rolling though, it turned into an avalanche. Fast forward nearly a year later and we have a full album ready to go out as well as a Christmas song, the machine of Camden is oiled and ready to go and I'm promoting with videos of Jesus in true vintage Camden form. But on May 29th it is going to be over, and that's just as appropriate. I really believe Goodbye Cleveland is probably the best music I've written to date and probably one of my favorite art projects I've done as well. What I don't believe is that it is the best work I am capable of doing. I am very proud of what we have accomplished through this art but I also believe that I needed to write and get through this to be able to start writing the best music of my life. I hadn't written music in six years before this got rolling and I had a lot bottled in that I needed to get out and talk about. This album is very personal, and has a lot of fun easter eggs for anyone that was around for the first Camden run to potentially notice. There aren't any happy songs. This album is truly sad boy pop butttt it has released me so I can begin to write even better music, and I already have. When this is over, I will not be done writing or creating music. But Camden will be over, and this album is the perfect swan song to say goodbye. I hope you all enjoy it on the 29th. This band has given me so many memories that are unique and unforgettable. If you have ever supported Camden, thank you. I appreciate it more than you ever know. Goodbye Cleveland
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Chapter 3 for Project G.O.D. These chapters are getting put up right from the press, as soon as I finish one I basically throw it up here. Constructive Criticism is greatly wanted and appreciated, but I do apologize if there are grammatical mistakes or just some sloppy wording in general. After a couple more chapters I'll do some hard edits and repost. Thanks :)
As always, social media: @TheToneStallone. Happy reading! A week had gone by and Caden had become so out of sorts that he barely had the sense to fall asleep. His once clean shaven face had been replaced by a chestnut brown stubble that matched his hair and was quickly approaching a beard. His green eyes developed heavy bags underneath them and the comforting neatness of his general appearance was starting to be replaced with a sense of paranoia. He had missed his haircut appointment that was always perfectly planned every three weeks on the dot and because of this the squared symmetricity of his face had disappeared. The cool, calm, and collected that was Caden Frost had now become careless and negligent. “Honey, do you think you could run to the grocery and grab some things I need for dinner tonight?” “I don’t know Mom, I’m kind of busy right now.” That was a lie. It seemed like Caden had started doing more of that lately, but he had no desire to go to the grocery store, or anywhere a fern could be sold for that matter. This plant had been haunting him. He thought that the one on the deck had been Cassie’s doing but that next morning it was gone. Until it wasn’t. Later that same day, as he was mowing Aunt Ellie’s lawn it reappeared. The same fern, with the same yellow and blue specks, only this time it was planted in her garden, inbetween her thorn bush and tulip patch. “Are you sure? I have to pick up Cass from soccer soon and you know how your father is if dinner isn’t set up as soon as he gets home from work.” “I can pick Cass up if you want to run to the grocery. You’d have an easier time finding whatever you need anyways Mom.” As he locked his gaze on the fern this time, it moved in a peculiar way that he hadn’t yet seen from a plant before. The fern started to lean as if it was pointing in the direction of the tulips which was odd since the wind was blowing the exact opposite way. Caden rushed through the rest of the yardwork, ignoring the grass lines he worked so diligently to create and went home before Ellie could pay him for the job. “That’s fine, Cade, just remember that practice is over at five sharp. Dinner is at six.” Caden ran through the front door, nearly forgetting to open it, paced up the stairs and quickly jumped into a cold shower. He needed to sober himself from seeing this fern again and try to cold shock himself back into reality. As he wrapped the towel around his waist and walked back to his room he finally felt a little relief. Maybe it was an odd coincidence. The fern was a home and garden trend for the summer that apparently his entire family had caught on to except for him. The specks of color that did not show up in any of his fern species searches were probably an issue with his eyes, a cataract perhaps. He’d schedule an eye exam and be back on track in no time. What he saw as he entered his room was no mistake though. “Okay Mom. What’re you making?” “Oh your favorite Sweet Tart, meatloaf with mashed potatoes and green beans.” “Mmm yum. I can’t wait!” As he stepped into his room, his eyes were instantly focused on the objects at the corner of his desk, a yellow pen, a blue pen and a lined notepad. The same ones that he had thrown away a day earlier. He knew that they were gone because he had cleared the trash out of his room the previous morning and made sure that they were included but here they were piercing his soul like they had a consciousness of their own. Caden swept the objects back into the same trash bin as before, got dressed and made sure he physically saw them go into the trash bin next to his garage so that there could be no question of their whereabouts. Although he had not seen the fern since then, the pens and notepad kept reappearing in that same corner of his desk. Not technically an inconvenience by definition, this unexplained anomaly was more than enough to throw a creature of habit off the rhythm he’d spent years establishing and perfecting. Caden decided he was going to leave early to pick Cass up from soccer practice, maybe getting a chance to watch his baby sister would relieve him of the stress of the unknown. As he got into the car, he wondered if she were playing any part in all of this. The sky was beautiful on this particular day. The sun was a welcome sight from the rain that had been plaguing the summer like an infection brought to drop all of Southern Washington’s vitamin D levels. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and Caden thought he may be able to see some of the stars and constellations if he replaced the battery in his telescope before dusk. Before his car was even parked he could tell which of the little athletes was his sister because it seemed all of the mud leftover from the previous day’s rain was now caked on her entire body from head to toe. It was a wonder she was even able to see at this point and he knew a good portion of tomorrow’s day off was going to be spent cleaning and vacuuming out the car from the remnants of the swamp thing that was going to inhabit his vehicle shortly. As he approached the field full of screaming children chasing after the soccer ball like it were the only responsibility in the world, there was a peculiar sight just past the benches but before the forest. It was the fern again. He didn’t have to approach it to know it. Again, the fern was pointing in a direction that was not with the flow of the wind or the weather but wherever it chose and today it bent towards his sister, who now was playing goalie at the south end of the field. Steadfast in its desire to unwaver, Caden felt like this fern was trying to send a message but was unable to decipher the language it spoke. He did his best to focus on the practice and watch his sister perform but the fern had his undivided attention, and both of them knew it. “Cade are ya gonna start the car or are we spendin the night here?” He hadn’t even realized Cassie was in the car or that practice was over. His gaze had been squarely fixed on the fern and that did not change as he put the key into the ignition and started the engine. “Cass, do you know anything about that plant over there, on the other end of the field in the middle?” “I know it’s a plant.” “Okay but like, do you know how it got there or what it is? That wasn’t there last week when I picked you up from practice.” “It wasn’t? Hmm. Odd.” As he backed the car out of the parking lot he still stayed deliberately locked onto the fern. He wanted to see what would happen as he got away from it. “What about the one that was on our deck? Do you know anything about that one?” “I remember you mentioning one that was on our deck. Never saw it.” As he pulled away from the field he turned his head once to straighten out on the road, turned back and it was gone. “You played no part in giving these plants those homes Cass?” “I have no idea what you’re talking about bother…I mean brother.” “Okay then what about the pad and pens that keep showing up on my desk. That has to be you, I know you’re messing with me.” He felt confident in that accusation. Something from this past week had to make some kind of common sense to him. “Cade you’re not making much sense to me with all of this stuff you’ve been saying lately. Are you feeling alright?” He looked her dead in her hazel eyes. “Please tell me it was you.” “Cade, stop! The light is red!” He unknowingly blew past the red light but a watchful officer knowingly turned his siren on, a polite way of asking poor Caden Frost to pull over. He sunk into his seat and let the officer go through all of the customaries of a traffic stop. First he showed his proof of license, then insurance. After a minute or so the officer came back, affirming Caden that he was who he said he was. The man seemed younger in age. He had a haircut that was tight on the sides but almost messy on top, like he put time into the actual experience of getting a haircut but decided not to keep up with it once he left the barbershop, like when a child gets their first pet but doesn’t quite understand the responsibility that comes with it. “Do you know what you did, son?” The officer called him son, but he was barely old enough to be a brother to Caden. Although he asked him a question Caden remained silent, partially out of fear and partially out of guilt. “You ran a red light. That’s a big no no.” He sank into his seat a little more even though there was no more conceivable room to sink. If he went any further down, the officer may get suspicious. Nonetheless, this was Cade’s first time talking to an officer in this regard. He had never been pulled over or even come close to breaking any kind of law, even jaywalking. He was hoping that the officer’s lax appearance in hairstyle meant he had a lax approach to law enforcement. “Normally, with this being your first offense of any kind I would let you off with a warning,” he said grabbing a citation sheet and pen from his hip. “But in this instance you put yourself, your passenger, as well as any other potential driver in a lot of danger, so I can’t let this one slide, pal,” as he wrote the citation. “Your court date is listed at the bottom if you wish to challenge. If not, you can log online or call in to pay your fine. You have a good day boy.” The whole interaction would have offended Caden if he had the sense to understand what was going on but in the heat of the moment with the anxiety of this first time running through his mind he could not piece together the moment that just happened. He defeatingly drove the the car the last two blocks home in silence and as he pulled into his driveway at 7:00pm he wondered what the meatloaf would taste like tonight. Currently working on chapter 3 and outlining a plan for the rest of the story. Constructive criticisms/Feedback is appreciated, thank you :)
If it weren’t summer vacation Caden wouldn’t have went to school the next morning. He wasn’t sure what happened the night before. It all felt so real, but there was no way it was anything but a dream. Even if it was a dream, why did it happen? He’d never really dreamed before and now he was scouring the universe in them. What did this mean? He needed answers but had no idea how to begin to approach looking for them so he carried on with his routine. He’d slept in an extra hour this day, which normally would have thrown off the entire equilibrium but for some reason it felt warranted today. He cracked two eggs into the pan and hit the button for the toaster while he planned the rest of the day in his head down to the minute. It was a little past ten currently, by the time he ate breakfast and got ready for the gym it would be eleven. If he made it to the gym by eleven-thirty he would have enough time to get a good workout and run in, which was desperately needed to clear his head, before work at three. If the Pizza Parlor was slow tonight he could get off deliveries by nine and be showered and ready for bed by ten, with an hour to mess around on video games until he fell asleep by eleven which would help get him back on track for tomorrow since he got off to a late start today. He took a bite of the plain wheat toast and felt confident in his plan for the day. Now if he could only resist the temptation of sneaking a slice or two at work his diet would be on track to have a little cheat meal by the weekend when he and his girlfriend of two years Ruby celebrate their anniversary. “A plan in place brings a smile to my face,” he chuckled as he finished off the toast and washed it down with a glass of almond milk. As he wiped the faux milk mustache away his phone began to buzz. “Hey mom, what’s up?” “Hey buddy. I heard you get in late last night and that’s not like you I just wanted to make sure everything is alright.” “Oh, uh, well, yeah. I’m sorry. Todd wanted to show me this documentary on…blue whales and we kind of just got sidetracked. He really wants to save the environment and I think we can organize something to…uh…help raise awareness about the environment and our carbon footprint on the whales.” “You kids just have such innocent imaginations. I’m glad though that you’re putting your brain power towards good habits and not something like underage drinking or illegal drugs.” “Oh Mom, I wouldn’t know a drug if it hit me in the face.” “Okay honey. I need to get back to work. I love you.” “I love you too Mom. Also, what’s for dinner?” “I’m going to fry some of those chicken breasts and make some brussel sprouts for the side. Is that alright?” “Do you mind baking me one or two of the pieces of chicken? Thanks, love you!” Caden paced the kitchen and broke into a slight sweat. He had no idea what she had meant. How was he gone last night? He didn’t leave. The keys to his car were where he left them when he got home from work the night before by the windowsill and as he started his car unfortunately it had the same amount of gas since he came home with the tank on E. Quickly though he pulled the key out of the ignition because he had forgotten his headphones in his room. As he brisked his way through the den though something caught his eye. Through the sliding door on the deck was a fern. He hadn’t remembered his parents buying one for the house for the summer but maybe they had. It had a peculiar glow to it that he couldn’t quite understand. As he got closer, he noticed flecks of blue and flecks of yellow on it. Caden wasn’t an avid gardener but he had never seen a fern with a natural blue color to it and thought that was odd. Maybe his mom had bought it for his little sister Cassie to decorate and paint on. She was always trying to get Cassie to expose her creative side in unusual ways like that although didn’t understand why she needed any of that. Caden grabbed the headphones off the bed and made his way to the gym, now fifteen minutes behind schedule. Later that night Caden collapsed onto his bed, exhausted from work. He had stayed late to fill an unusual amount of deliveries and his internal clock was all out of whack. He reached for the remote to his television as he decided to forgo a desperately needed shower in place of video games but couldn’t seem to find the controller to his console. “Cassie have you been in my room again?” he shouted down the hall to his sister. “No, why would I want to go in there? It’s so plain and boring. The only thing that could make your room more generic is a framed picture with an inspirational quote about trying your hardest or never giving up,” she said as he stormed into her room. “Then where’s the controller for my GameStation? It’s not where I left it and I don’t misplace things.” “I don’t know, I haven’t been home all day. I went to the park with mom and bird watched the whole afternoon. We got home right before you did.” “Hmm. Weird. Also, what’s up with that fern outside. What’re you doing to that poor plant?” “What fern?” she asked inquisitively as her freckled face perked up. “The one on the deck with all the spots on it. Don’t mess with me, I know you did that.” “No idea what you’re talking about but it sounds fun. I’ll have to check it out in the morning.” Caden went back to his room and started looking everywhere for the controller. He turned over drawers and looked in every corner of his closet but couldn’t find the damn thing. The controller had disappeared in plain sight and there was no explanation for its whereabouts. With his head down he sulked to his desk and sat at the chair, spinning around in it because that’s what his life had felt like in the last twenty-four hours. His room was a mess, he smelled like pizza dough and grease and the only thing he wanted to do to relieve some stress was missing. As he became disoriented from the spinning he noticed something in the corner of his desk that had not been there when he sat down. There were two pens and a large yellow-lined notepad. One pen was yellow, the other blue. He began to think back to his dream last night and the pens that he had been given but there was no way he had gotten these from that dream. Cassie had to have been in his room earlier in the day and was just playing a prank on him. He grabbed the pens and paper and tossed them into the trash bin next to his desk as he collapsed once again onto his bed, this time for the rest of the night. Do you feel safe? I know you’re not safe
But the memories you gave are ten miles away And I know you cant stay so don’t try to play That bus isn’t safe and I know you’re not going home. Dearly beloved are you trapped in a closet In an airtight compartment with no key to unlock it Is your house always haunted? Do you hate it or love it? Is home just an idea that you really cant stomach? Are your favorite others stuck down by the water? With a sunset that’s longer on a beach that is hotter. Do they laugh and play frisbee while you’re stuck, do you miss me? Did you think you would kiss me and say goodbye oh so simply? You can play but youre not free, snowed in with your misery Does it feel numb inside you or would you rather get high too? Does it feel like a cold flu that is turning your soul blue? Do you numb your whole body with drinks and desires To match your own conscious that is eagerly tired? You destroy like a fire, the friends that you hired I hope one day you’re happy with your dog and your family Without all the distractions to keep you from… Here are some random snippets from a project I started back over the winter and hopefully will start editing and adding to soon called "Four Walls but No Door." Also may post the second chapter to Project G.O.D. a little later or tomorrow as that's currently my focus. Enjoy!
Paint me in the corner of a dark room Waiting for the light to be through the walls Like a lotto ticket it is hard to fight When the combos more than master Work to fund my way through casper But I’m not a friendly ghost These walls close in and I am cold. .... I cleaned my room today Made sure clothes were folded the right way Picked up spare comics off the ground Caught superman flying at the speed of sound Found old love notes in my dresser Ripped them apart and scattered the ashes (I’m sorry Suzie…Stacy?) Found a missing shirt from the University of Akron Played an old mixtape, I’m sorry Ms. Jackson Made sure everything was put away Took a small step to being okay. .... I am the moon Whole but not always You are the sea Up and down with tide I am the grass that grows Waiting for the time to mow You are the tree Full of roots that cant be seen Hello! I know I have not been posting much recently on here but I am going to start using it as an outlet to start posting little creations I come up with, and see what inspires me to continue working and what I should throw in the scrap heap. This is a chapter from a story I started working on over the winter. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think!
Project G.O.D. v2 “Do you know who I am?” “Yes.” Caden looked around the room. Not much was there to be seen. Perpendicular to the doorway was an oak desk where He was seated with a laptop in front of Him and two notebooks with a pen set that had twenty-four different colors. Behind Him was a library backed to the wall filled with encyclopedias, an atlas, and assorted novels and poetry books in various different languages. On a windowsill a fern crept towards the sunlight. “Do you know why I brought you here?” “N-n-no,” Caden stuttered. He thought back to when he first started to question his reality. He remembered the placement exam for high school. In Valleybrook, children were assigned one of three high schools based off an entrance exam. The lower third percentile all went to Clearview, the middle third to Midtown and the high scorers went to Upper Valley. Caden never had a problem passing class, he held the school record for most consecutive days without an absence but on this day he was struggling off a bout of strep that had kept him out for a week and broke that streak. He was unsure of himself and didn’t think he was adequately prepared to pass into the Upper Valley. His eyes shifted to the bookshelf. “Can you read all of those or are they decoration?” “The books?” He asked. “I’ve read all of them, and I’ve translated each of them twice.” “Twice? What need would you have to translate them twice?” “Have you ever watched a movie that you’ve already seen and caught a piece that you didn’t notice the first time? I can translate these stories a hundred more times, and each time will be different than the last, some completely different while others more subtle. That’s the beauty of literature. That’s the beauty of imagination.” When he had forgotten his number two pencil at home for the test he was more sure that Clearview or Midtown were in his future. His throat was still swollen and he could barely squeak out to Mrs. Jefferson that he needed a pencil for the exam. One hundred and fifty multiple choice questions were staring in front of him and three hours to take the exam which gave him slightly over a minute to answer each question. Fifty questions for math, fifty for science and history and fifty for language arts and grammar. The lowest score the previous year to make it to Upper Valley got an 88% or one hundred and thirty-two correct answers. Caden had room for eighteen errors but that was a slim margin on this test. “How can one thing have different meanings?” said Caden. “An author has an intent when they write, that intent is the meaning.” “The author’s intent is one meaning. The way you digest his intent is another. Because we are unique in our person, each person creates their own meaning. My job is to try and figure out each of those meanings, and what they mean.” “You figure out the meaning of meaning? That’s a brain twister.” Caden carefully filled in the bubble of the first answer in the math section. This test was supposed to be a comprehensive knowledge of everything from sixth through eighth grade. Adding fractions was easy. One-fourth plus one-fourth was two-fourths. He filled in the bubble with the answer and went to the second question. Caden enjoyed math because it was simple. There was always an answer and that answer was always based in logic. He knew the rules of the game, and as long as he played by the rules he would win the game. “There are no wrong answers when it comes to understanding literature,” He said. Caden scrunched his nose and gave Him a look that told him he was wrong without the need to verbalize it. “What do you mean there are no wrong answers? There has to be.” “There doesn’t have to be anything, nor does there have to be nothing.” The math section of the test was the easiest for Caden. He passed through it in half an hour and thought there was a good chance he got all fifty questions right. If he did he would only need to get eighty-two of the final hundred questions to pass the exam and get into Upper Valley. The science and history portion of the exam came next, which were two subjects that Caden also excelled in. Science was like math to him and history was the memorization of events. One was rooted in math and one was rooted in the past that could not be changed. Because of this, they were simplified to him. The first question asked for the definition of a hypothesis. “A hypothesis is an educated guess. Easy,” thought Caden. A hypothesis is an educated guess. Through hypotheses, the world can be questioned and tested. The results of the tests confirm or deny the questions asked of it. These laws made life easy, understandable. “Hypothesize where you are right now,” He said. It was almost like He knew exactly what Caden was thinking. He seemed like a normal person, if not boring in a way. His chestnut hair was parted to the side with a line at the edge. His glasses sat crooked on his nose. Caden couldn’t tell if they had been bent or if the shape of his face was off. His face showed a little stubble that corresponded with his voice in a way that felt like it belonged. A pastel blue button up housed a white striped tie. His khakis were neither baggy nor tight. He was neither short nor tall. He was not skinny, but he was not overweight. His average could not be bested by anothers. “I’m not sure,” Caden said. “The trees forest your backyard. Am I upstate?” “Observant but incorrect,” He said. If he were being generous, Caden believed he had missed at most eight of the first hundred questions which gave him ten more incorrect answers to play with in the last fifty questions. He never quite understood literature and language arts. Math and science are both universal languages. He could speak math to anyone else on earth and they would understand. Language is dependent on the continent, country, and county a person is from. Slightly changing one of these variables in the least and a language could be completely different. In addition, his language was the worst. Like the country itself, American English is a melting pot of other languages with rules that contradict each other. He could never memorize a standardized set of rules because another rule would always supercede them at least once. “How can three different words make the same exact sound?” he wondered as he filled in the bubble for question two. “You did not do well in language arts,” he stated, reading Caden’s mind. “How did you know about that?” He took that test four years ago, and certainly did not know this man in grade school. “Hypothesize where you are right now.” “I don’t know. Why don’t you stop being so cryptic and just tell me. I could be anywhere for all I know. If we’re not upstate then I have no idea, I haven’t been anywhere else. We could be on goddamn Mars for all I know.” A red glow radiated from the window with the fern and it began to wilt. Caden rushed to the window to find the house lay on a rusted rubble looking surface full of craters and clay. An earth looking figurine shown in the distance. “Wha-wha…How?” he stuttered. “It doesn’t look flat from here,” he chuckled showing the first sign of emotion Caden had seen in this encounter. Half of the questions in the language arts portion of the test Caden had gotten wrong, which made him good for Clearview. He was heartbroken. He wanted to be the pride of Valleybrook and excel at Upper Valley High. He had dreamed of honor roll and finishing at the top of his class while colleges fought over his decision. Clearview was for the children that didn’t have aspiration. Clearview was not made for Caden Frost and Caden Frost was not made for Clearview. “You can breathe here don’t worry.” The fern was now blue. A second chair appeared at the front of the desk. “Have a seat. Gather your thoughts.” Caden sat down and put his head in his hands. He had no idea what was going on. He tried to find some kind of semblance of sanity to bring him down to Earth, or Mars in this case. He had so many questions but so far he was the one being interrogated. “Do you know why I brought you here?” “To Mars? I assumed because of my sarcasm.” “No, here. Here can be anywhere.” He snapped his fingers and the room was underwater as a blue whale swam by singing her song. “What the fuck is that?!” Caden began to hyperventilate and put his head back into his hands. “Don’t worry, Cali is a kind soul and a lovely whale. Do you know why I brought you here?” “No. I’m not sure I know what anything is right now. “Aha! So you do know.” He opened up a large, leatherbound book and licked the tip of a pen as he made a note that was illegible to Caden. He closed the book, and it locked itself up as he began to peruse the library behind him, grabbing a few select books and tossing them into a bag. “What’s your favorite color?” “I’m not sure. Probably green.” “A worthy color indeed,” he exclaimed as he set a blue pen and blank yellow notebook into the bag with the books. “Why would you ask me that question if you’re not going to put anything green into the bag. I mean, that stuff is for me, right?” Caden asked. “You must find your green young Caden. Like baking a cake, I can give you the ingredients. I can give you a yellow and a blue to make green, but you need to bake the cake.” “Great. I’m underwater with a blue whale named Cali while a loon with a color changing fern gives me a culinary lesson. That has to be the first time in history anyone has ever said that.” “The beauty of literature. Take these young Caden. Read the books. Use the paper to write. I want to hear about the eighth grade exam you did not do well on. When we meet again, we will have our first lesson. Awake.” It is approximately 7:20 p.m. on a Tuesday night in March. I'm in my bed surrounded by a pool of clothes, some clean and some dirty , watching a Netflix documentary about Irish mobsters while I put off writing out a brand new budget to blog since the last time I used this website was in late July apparently.
Today I went to Cleveland Furniture Bank to attempt to find a cabinet I could repurpose into a cool little liquor cabinet that I want to eventually have in my room next to a mini fridge that would all be below my television hung from the wall. I went grocery shopping so I could make chicken parmesan for dinner because I had pasta I needed to use but ended up spending more money on the other ingredients than I would've lost if I had just gotten rid of the pasta, but it was delicious and I need to practice my way through cooking instead of paying someone else to do it for me every night. What do all of these singularities have in common though? They were all decisions or lack of decision making that I took part in. I could've washed the dirty clothes and folded the clean ones. I could have chosen a different show, dinner or vision for my room that could put a part of my life on a different track. Each and every outcome in our lives are powered by decision making and I have learned the value of that so much that I felt compelled to blog about it this week. I moved out recently and have made numerous important life decisions but there is a big one that I made a few hours ago that I would like to talk (type?) about in depth through this. I quit my job today. I quit my job, AFTER I was offered a 30% raise. I quit my job and it wasn't until after I made that decision and the corresponding response that I got from my boss that I felt affirmed in what I was doing. More on that in a minute. Back in January I took a test to get certified for the position I was hired to do, and with that certification I would no longer be in training and would receive a raise with it. I passed the test, but after a couple of paychecks the raise wasn't coming through. Eventually, after a back and forth, a couple of broken promises and just some general confusion I decided it was time to go. I took a week of vacation to use the rest of my PTO and when I came back I was going to give them my notice. Management noticed this and became a little more urgent in getting the situation with my raise taken care of but by that point the damage had been done in my head and I was mostly checked out. I told them I'd take the weekend to think about it and get back to them. Over the course of that weekend, I considered everything that would benefit from staying, and what I could gain from leaving. I had jobs set up that would give me a little more flexibility in life at a similar pay rate that I was already getting, but the raise was enticing, especially since it was more than I originally was supposed to get from my certification. They wanted to keep me, I was valued to them. But this wasn't what I wanted to do. I wasn't put on this earth to be a UT Inspector in a factory for the rest of my days. I have a writing degree. I'm passionate about philanthropy and helping others, not looking a slab of steel for 8 hours a day. I have the rest of my life to settle for a job I don't care about, but my window to start to make my imprint on others through what I love to do is so small already, and the more time I spend not doing what I love the smaller that window is going to get until all I'm looking at is a brick wall with no way out. So I met with my bosses this afternoon and told them all of this. I told them originally I was so upset I wanted to leave in anger, but the more I thought about it the more I needed to go out on my own and pursue my passion. They couldn't believe it. They couldn't believe it, not because they were upset or because I was leaving them but because I had the guts to call a meeting and tell them I am going to go out and I am going to bet on myself to try and make a name the way I wanted to. After that presentation, they basically pushed me out the door. They became two of my biggest cheerleaders because they saw something in me that to many people are afraid to do. I gave up financial stability. I gave up benefits, and PTO, and medical insurance, and other benefits to try a chase down lofty goals and ideas and passions I have for my life. I am terrified, but I made that decision for myself because I have the rest of my life to make decisions that aren't for me. I decided for me, and it has been so liberating. If you haven't already try it some time. If you're unsure, I will always listen and do my best to help you through it. As always, Social Media: @TheToneStallone Give me a follow and see if I'm living out of a box or going on a New York times bestselling list any time soon. by ToneHappy Hump Day everyone! It's been a long week already and it's barely half over. In honor of Shark Week (don't sue Discovery Channel) I decided to tackle a topic that is of great importance to me, and may be one of the few entities on this earth that is more powerful than a shark: words and your word. To be fair, there may be a lot that's more powerful than this guy. One of the pillars that I have built the foundation of my being on that has played a major part in my life is the power and value behind words. It is one of the reasons I majored in English in college and plays part in decisions I make every single day. Speaking, texting, writing, and communicating may seem like a second nature habit to many but it is a tool and art that should be treated with care. For example, take the word "love." Many would agree that this is probably a word that is thrown out into the wild way to frequently to sink or swim on its own without merit or power behind it. "Love" is a word that is used by many but truly meant by few (I'm being broad for the sake of this blog. I do not have any sort of statistical analysis to back these statements up but I am always open for a good debate). Many of us have an understanding that the word at best is slightly overused, but not many make a conscious effort to change that stigma. Now take that understanding and think about all of the other words that could have power behind them and you'll realize this is an epidemic that is plaguing this country. I believe the reason that words are losing their dimension, power, and merit behind them is because people are using them but meaning them with different intentions. Another word that is used almost as frequently as "love" is the word "beautiful." "Beautiful" is used recurrently in every day conversation between others but more often than not the intention behind a person using the word "beautiful" does not match the dictionary definition of "beautiful." When the meaning of a word is abandoned for a different intention or ulterior motive, the value of that word will decrease. I try to make an effort to protect these words, at the very least for my sense of self. I may use the word "beautiful" ten to twenty times TOTAL over the course of a year, and that's being generous to myself. I place value in words and because of that when I do use words like this, their value is increased to the people I use them toward. As a result, I am able to be trusted and more genuine in the eyes of others around me which increases the value of my word. Your word should be one of the most treasured commodities that you own. It has the ability to increase your social capital to Bill Gates level wealth. With power behind your word, you can give power to others in the form of confidence, motivation, and security among many other traits that are critical to success. I'm posting all of this because I feel it has importance, and hopefully if you're reading this you can take some value from it. Once a person loses their word in the eyes of another, the relationship is not only tainted with an asterisk but it is in a constant state of danger for the continuation of it. I'm also posting this because in a way, I am trying to build a relationship with you. I may not know exactly who is reading this, but I want to build trust with you and I want you to feel genuine whenever you read one of my posts, which is why I've been posting these very deep and somewhat inspirational posts to start this journey. I want to lay the foundation for this blog so you know exactly what you're going to get from me every time you see a post. Whether it's a food review, a workout technique, a piece of fiction, or an extremely personal post, I want you to understand what I hold valuable in my core so you can feel that value when you read my posts. Words and my word are two of the most worthwhile possessions I will ever own. Thank you. -Tone Now for some HOUSEKEEPING The fun posts are on the way guys I promise. A few ideas I have that I would like to make as recurring blog posts: 1) A humans of New York type interview with random people in random walks of life and professions. This blog was designed for enrichment and to gain knowledge you and I both don't already have so let's learn from people we don't know about and give them an opportunity to tell their story. 2) The Kitchen of Tone: a weekly (probably on Sundays) recipe tutorial of some kind of healthy meal/bad food alternative. 3) The Week of Tone: a quick recap of different facets going on in my life so I can stay open and honest with you throughout. Complete with song recommendations, workouts to try, product reviews (food, gadgets, video games, books, whatever I'm doing at the time), and much more! 4) The Mind of Tone: a weekly piece of fiction that I'm currently working on. Sorry for naming all of them after me, I gotta stick to the gimmick brother so I won't ever have to apologize. Questions/Comments/Concerns/Suggestions/Petition to get me kicked off weebly can be found at
@LifeOfTone216 on Instagram OR [email protected] Thank you. I appreciate you. Yes you. by Tone Alright guys it's story time so this post may be a LITTLE lengthy. Often, I am asked about my "transformation." Most of the time I'm asked something along the lines of "How did you do it?!" and most of the time after that, the person asking is expecting a miracle. They want to hear that I took a magic pill and when I woke up the next morning nearly 36% of my body weight had disappeared. Sometimes people like to hear the story about the journey. Other times people interrupt it to try and force that kind of miracle thought process into a transformation that is anything but a miracle. I didn't start this journey with any kind of goals. I was twenty-year-old college junior that used eating as a getaway. I was never self aware because I never chose to be self aware. I hid from myself as well as others. I believed that my habits were invisible and that if they went unnoticed to others, they would be invisible to myself as well. In addition to that, I was dealing with a lot of bad depression and that didn't help contribute to the cause. At my heaviest weight, I was somewhere between 255 and 260lbs. To put that in perspective, that's around a thirty-five BMI and somewhere between thirty and forty body fat percentage, both of which are considered obese. The lowest weight I have achieved to date was 164lbs, and today I sit comfortably at 170lbs which is about a twenty-three BMI and somewhere around fifteen body fat percentage, which are HUGE improvements for a person hoping to live a healthy and long life. Catch your boy in the Captain America T here, but there is no super soldier serum in this story. I give you all of that information so it can be in the back of your head as I finally get to this story. I mentioned a few paragraphs back that I wanted the food I ate to feel invisible to others so I can continue to do it without regret. The habits with which I ate were insane. Breakfast was moderate, a bowl of cereal before school. Lunch at school every day was either a few slices of pizza or bosco sticks, an order of fries, and a chocolate milk. Not the healthiest, but typical for a teenager. The big damage was done after school. My after school "snack" every day was three corn-dogs from the frozen food aisle. When three wasn't enough anymore, it turned to four. When four couldn't do the trick, it turned into a whole box. Wash it down with a coke and I was set until dinner. Dinner was the best meal of the day so it was always the most food. My favorite meal was a chipotle burrito, a whole bag of chips and salsa (I was lucky queso wasn't a thing then), washed down again with another soda. Like the corn dogs though, one soda wasn't enough and it kept escalating until I could drink an entire two liter of Coke in one sitting. If we took the low end of those meals before they started to snowball, I consumed around 3,405 calories a day with a significant chunk of those calories coming from fat sources. That count includes only three corn dogs and two cokes. By the time my addiction had reached its height I was easily consuming anywhere from four-thousand to five-thousand calories a day, almost two and a half times the daily recommended allowance! Two revelations began to turn the tide. The first was that my friend Travis and my brother Bailey decided to diet together and although I made fun of it to their face, I was secretly jealous of being left out. The big EYE OPENER was when my parents told me that I needed to stop drinking so much soda throughout the day because they were spending too much money on soda every week which was half jokingly but also half serious. Joke, serious, or somewhere in between, my cover had been blown. My habits were no longer invisible and people were beginning to notice. Feelings of self loathe and hate that I had kept covered began to surface and my insecurities could not be hidden anymore. So I began to cut back on the soda, and I began to lose weight. Only a pound or two, but it began to motivate me. I wanted to challenge myself, I wanted to see what else I could knock out of my diet and if that would have the same effects as the pop. One pound turned to ten and ten turned to fifteen and I had a little bit of confidence in myself. I wanted to see what else I could bring into my life to give me the results I wanted to see, so I spent a few hundred dollars for a year membership to my local rec center. My thought was that I had spent the money, I had to go workout, no matter my fears. Luckily, I had my brother by my side who had never met a weight he didn't like. After a few months of working out and continuing to straighten my diet, I met with my brothers former trainer, Chad Whitman (cheap plug- @ironwarehouseohio he's a genuine dude and he deserves all the success). Chad helped me to workout and I began talking to him about training to become a professional wrestler, since he was a former wrestler with a few WWE appearances himself. My confidence had turned into a train that was ready to steamroll any goal I had in sight. And on a Sunday morning while working out with Chad, I decided I was going to sign up for classes. This day was also monumental because for the very first time I dipped below the two-hundred pound mark. I was so happy I nearly cried in the gym. "I've been working my ass off for 8 months and today for the first time since my freshman year of high school I can say I'm below 200lbs" The professional wrestling career didn't last, but the confidence continued to grow. I started to research and add a method to my madness. I began to run and the weight continued to drop as my confidence grew. Eventually I started taking kickboxing classes, and in July of 2017 I won my first (and only as of right now) kickboxing smoker. The running and loss of a close friend motivated me to run a 5k and in my first performance I finished third in my age bracket. I continue to try and grow everyday as both a person and through my health and wellness. Three years ago if you would have asked me, or anybody close to me about the things I have accomplished they would have laughed you right in your face and with good reason. Changing my health has not only changed my life, but it has saved it in more way than one and instead of looking at a challenge as too hard or impossible like I may have used to, I thrive off of challenge and look for it in every opportunity, and because of that doors continue to open. It is Tuesday so I might as well post a transformation. I could write another whole blog post dedicated to thanking everybody that has stuck through and supported me through this journey, and maybe I will, but for now you know who you are and I want you to know I appreciate you. For the people reading this that is looking to lead a more healthy lifestyle, here are some tips: 1) It's a marathon, not a race. There is no quick fix, and there is no substitute for hard work. Cliché, but the honest to God's truth. If you work at your goals I promise that you will accomplish them. There will be ebbs and flows, the road to your goal is not linear. Stick with it and trust the process 2) Have a gameplan. Treat your health and fitness like a sport, because in many ways it is. The most prepared athletes and teams usually come out on top. Do your research, watch some film (youtube videos, tutorials, etc.) and get your practice in so you can make the most out of gametime when it appears. 3) Supplements are exactly that. They are there to supplement a workout, healthy choice, etc. They are not the answer nor are they the cure. They can help accentuate a particular area but they are not a substitute for hard work. 4) Don't be afraid. All kinds of change are scary because they differentiate you from your normal way of living. That is not at reason to fear change, it's a reason to welcome it. Plunge into the lifestyle head first or dip your toes in the water for awhile, but don't let fear paralyze you from positive changes. *I am not an expert by any means, but if you have any questions, need any sort of help, or just want to talk in general about any of these topics I am an open door and would be happy to lend a helping hand on a journey towards a healthy lifestyle. With that in mind, Insta- @lifeOfTone216 email: [email protected] I can be reached there if anyone needs anything. Thank you :) -Tone by ToneMany of my motivations in life stem from a desire to acquire knowledge. If I ever won the lottery, I would use the money to fund a lifetime's worth of college degrees because I love to learn, and dive into the "why" and the "how" a particular item may have achieved its goal or did not. Studying success can help to develop successful habits within yourself and dissecting failures can help give warning to particular actions or behaviors. There is no such thing as too much knowledge! Ignorance is not bliss.
Your brain is like a computer, and the more information it has to process, the greater probability it will have to determine a favorable outcome for you. Whenever I start a new job, one thing I like to do is talk to the managers, general managers, higher ups, etc. to find out: 1) How successful the business is/isn't. 2) What that business has done to maintain that success/lack thereof. 3) How I can personally do my share to contribute to the success of that particular business. Obviously, if one is hired to do a job then adequate work will help with #3, but going that extra step to elevate not only that business but yourself and your work habits will not only help to build success for that business, but it will help to build success within yourself. Going an extra step for a job may not feel like it's worth it if there is no instant gratification, but you are building habits that will carry on with you to future opportunities. So why am I saying all of this? I want to help deliver knowledge to you through this blog. I want to contribute to enrichment and enhancement of anyone that reads this in a positive way. At a job interview recently (recently meaning within the last year), the producer asked me about my own personal goals for myself, and how acquiring that particular job would help me to get to where I want to be. I could be inspirational and say that I said everything that was in my head in the moment, but in reality I froze and lost the job opportunity because of that. Here's my second chance. My dream, my ultimate goal in life is to have a voice loud enough to influence others. I went to school to get a degree in English and Creative Writing so I could articulate all of the ideas in my head, and put them to paper. I want to be able to create a platform where I can not only spread my knowledge with others, but also let others share their knowledge with each other. I know through social media that is way easier in this day and age than ever, but I dream of having a multimedia production company that will let everyone have a voice, and can be a tool for change or at least the opportunity for change. Every person has a story. Every other person can learn from another's story. This will be the start of that. One idea that I can't wait to get started on with this is monthly interviews with random people, in all walks of life. I am currently working on a few ideas for that. If you have a story, if you want to be heard, don't hesitate to shoot me a message. Let us all create a symbiotic relationship through this platform where all knowledge is welcomed with open arms, and we can start to achieve the dream I was to afraid to tell in a job interview. Thank you. If you want to be heard, I can be reached at: [email protected] @LifeOfTone216 on Instagram |